Who Deserves Redemption? - A Look at "Frenemies"
YouTube has been my main weekly entertainment throughout this pandemic. Before the pandemic I had some favorite creators who I watched intermittently (Red Letter Media, Your Movie Sucks, I Hate Everything, and RalphtheMovieMaker), but the one I turned to for pure comedy and lighthearted faire was always H3H3. Husband and wife team Ethan and Hila Klein found the weirdest, cringest, worst aspects of Youtube culture and made amazing reaction videos that transformed the content into high art. The channel elevated smaller creators, who then got needed exposure, and shined a light on controversial and dangerous creators who needed to be stopped, such as Prank Invasion and Ethan Bradberry. The channel was often seen as the counterweight to Youtube channels that went unchecked, as well as a place to revel in the absurd.
Though I enjoy a lot of their content, I only initially started watching it because I fundamentally disagreed with one of their videos: Buzzfeed Hates Men. In a classic case of whataboutism, Ethan and Hila conflate men who take up an unnecessary amount of space on public transit with women who have their purses on seats, before watching a Buzzfeed video wherein women manspread to an obnoxious degree to take back their power. Watching their video now doesn't anger me as much. A lot of what they prod and make fun of was quite ridiculous. Back in 2016 no one was having conversations about how the true state of the world for women. The only conversations were about cancel culture, unnecessary outrage, and how third wave feminism was performatively over the top and itself a dangerous extreme. These Buzzfeed videos were some of the only videos being made about any feminist issues, and to me were above reproach, even though its messaging was actual detrimental to women’s issues as a whole.
This is kind of the line that H3H3 has always tightroped: being inherently liberal, open minded, and progressive, but causing outrage with those same communities. The Kleins consistently make videos and have broader conversations about important topics such as suicide prevention, consent, anti-semitism, bullying, sexual assalt, and racism while being able to poke fun at the craziest internet personalities and foster a community that aims to understand the misunderstood, i.e. Shoenice, One Fricked Up Dentist, and GetDustOff. At the same time Ethan has abject loyalty to his friends and fellow creators, and will often back them up even if they hit extreme levels of controversy. While it’s compendable that he stands up for his friends, even if it means he loses advertisers, lee-way with Youtube, or marketability, it is worth noting who he stands up for and when (Example, Example, Example).
2019 was a big year of controversy for the channel, with one of their biggest snafus ever: Instagram vs. Reality. For context, Ethan is a cis, white, man, and made a video on the subreddit r/Instagramreality, showing the reality of pics with their Instagram counterparts, then started vocally dissecting the looks of young women such as Tana Mongeau and Kylie Jenner. His larger point was not to look at social media as your measurement for self-worth, an important and generally misunderstood topic that needs to be voiced more often. Sadly, Klein’s comments were steeped in body shaming and were filtered through the male gaze.I did know in my heart of hearts that he didn’t mean it the way he was saying it, but I also knew it would ultimately be a very damaging video for a number of people. One of said people was a subject in the video: Trisha Paytas. Trisha reacted by posting a kitchen floor video. Eventually they came onto the podcast itself to dispute the video and confront Ethan.
The two went back and forth, responding to one another’s claims, until Paytas was actually tapped to be on a “The Bachelor” type segment on their podcast, wherein they met Hila’s brother, Moses, and they started dating. Out of this long and tangled relationship has stemmed the greatest collab in Youtube history, “Frenemies”. Sitting apart on their split black and pink set, every week Trisha and Ethan delve into their pasts, engage in trivia, athletic competitions, mukbangs, and drama dumps. There isn’t a lot of game changing content on the show, but the interplay between the two, and their uncontested chemistry, make it a much watch every week. Trisha Paytas has been on Youtube for 12 years, has made multiple TV appearances, was once a part of the Vlog Squad, and is one of the most incendiary figures in Youtube culture. I had never seen one of her videos before they joined H3H3, and most of the people who had watched her content had never seen the Kleins. At first everybody watched for the spectacle and drama of the premise: Trisha was problematic, they were dating their co-host’s brother-in-law, and had a lot of unresolved issues in their past. Twinned with Ethan’s outspoken nature and zany sense of humor they made one of the most confounding and yet confident pairings on any channel.
As I started watching this new show, I learned quite a lot about Trisha Paytas: they were a sex worker from a very young age, was the victim of domestic abuse, has severe mental illness (s), and is extremely narcissistic. Though they would sometimes say or do problematic, trollish, or indecent things, I came to love her for her empathy, honesty, and perseverance. Of course, I soon learned other things, things that had long been public and were linked to her persona. A large part of our current culture is to not forgive those who have done wrong, and generally that is the attitude I take. Youtube and Instagram provide platforms for people who want to share their entire selves, for money, clout, understanding, and ultimately fame. Frequently on Youtube people who should have their career ended oftentimes will come out the other side completely unscathed. Unlike celebs, Youtubers’ audiences see them as complex people who made an error, rather than a personality saving their brand, and Paytas is far too open to not be believed by her fans.
In the latest episodes of Frenemies Trisha has said the show is her redemption story. Before the show, Trisha Paytas was seen as a troll to the transgender community, now we know they were confused and didn’t know they wer non-binary. Before, we thought they manufactured Vlog Squad drama, when now we know they were gaslit and victimized by David Dobrik and Jason Nash on more than one occasion. Before, they were dragged for incorrectly diagnosing herself with DID and spreading misinformation, when they definitely just hadn’t been properly diagnosed or treated by a trained psychiatrist (who isn’t Dr. Drew). While they definitely still need to be held accountable for everything that they do and say that’s problematic, we now have concrete proof that Trisha Paytas is a very complex media figure who shares everything, even if they’re not 100% sure it’s the correct information.
No one else would (or could) have transformed her image except for Ethan Klein. Is his loyalty in part because they are now engaged to Moses Hacmon? Partially I think so, because Trisha has repeatedly stormed off of the show in a rage, and without the incentive of keeping the family together they might have already quit. That said, it isn’t just Trisha that needed an image rehab, and only Trisha could have helped in that regard. As I’ve said, for years Ethan has had to apologize for past behaviors. He sometimes misses the point when defending those without a voice, and perpetuates ideas that are more harmful than helpful. In the last couple of episodes alone Trisha has corrected him on very obvious and important points and also engaged him in broader conversations about anti-Asian violence upticks in the US, how James Charles was a groomer, and how fatphobia is the most unhelpful aspect of diet culture. Though I sometimes want to bang my head against the wall when Trisha makes a bad point and says something cringe, they also repeat a lot of the things I usually yell at Ethan during an H3H3 video. Trisha is educating themself, they are fearless, and has truly turned a corner. While other creators embrace performative wokeness to rehab their public image and make that coin, Trisha really wants to do better. They even embrace all the times they were canceled, because every time they held accountable for what they said or did they learned something beneficial that has helped her grow. Ethan too has become more solid in recent weeks, taking her comments to heart and saying and doing less reprehensible things. He also backs her up still, and in the process is helping bring to light some very serious issues that the internet had previously chalked up to drama. He also tries not to trigger Trisha to disassociate, and is ultimately very understanding of her outbursts, providing a real and sympathetic portrayal of mental illness. Ethan himself speaks out about his anxiety, body dysmorphia, being Jewish during the rising tide of anti-semitism, and having Tourettes syndrome.
Trisha Paytas, iconically on her kitchen floor
Overall, it’s unclear who ultimately deserves redemption. The simple answer would be to redeem those who don’t punch down, who do more than they say, and uplift those who were hurt or silenced as a consequence of their actions. While I will never condone Ethan trying to explain away racism or xenophobia, I can’t deny that his relationship and humanity towards Trisha Paytas is unprecedented. In turn they were patient with him, and though they disagree on so much they make amazing content and work together every week to understand each other that much more. Trisha, a woman who has constantly been abused, harassed, been made fun of, and gets exploited, is the type of person who obviously needed redemption the most. Real cancel culture is when women, BIPOC, and LGBTQIA+ are silenced, and it is a violent silencing at that. While we cannot continue to apologize for the actions of those who harm marginalized communities through misogynist, homophobic, xenophobic, racist actions, I think we can also have conversations about the work that needs to be done to undo a lot of that damage.
Links
Borderline Personality Disorder Resources: LINK
Disassociative Personality Disorder Resources: LINK
LGBTQIA+ Resources: LINK
Suicide Prevention and Hotline: LINK
